Crashing Down
by maxine97
Summary: When Ris  Clarissa  pretends to act like a boy so she could hang out with her brother, what will happen when she gets hurt and they find out she has a mysterious disease that only a certain blonde could help her get through.
1. Chapter one: Cancer

Clarissa tied her hair up in a loose not, sighing at the reflection in the mirror. _When will they see me as anything other than another boy? _She asked herself as she slipped on her Yankees jersey. Pushing the question aside that she asked every morning, she made her way downstairs, greeted by the yelling and laughing of her brother and his best friend.

"Hey move over!" Clarissa yelled, grabbing a controller and shoving her older brother over. After about twenty minutes of the trio joking around and playing a round of black ops, Clarissa beat them once more.

"I beat you, AGAIN! Ha Jon when are you finally going to get it through that pretty little head of yours that you cannot beat the all mighty Ris?" she yelled punching her older brother on the arm, laughing historically.

"Oh please, you got lucky." He answered back, to the left of him he could hear his best friend laughing. "Shut up Jace, you lost too!" he yelled defensively. That just made Clarissa laugh even more.

"Well she's not my brother. She's yours." Jace answered, smirking. Clarissa grew still with that, her normally sparkling eyes turning cold as stones and her face paling more and more by the second. It only took moments for the boys to notice, but they took it as a joke. "Oh please, you know you act like a boy." Jace retorted, pushing her arm. She didn't resist like she normally did, but rather let the impact push her on the floor. The gesture surprised Jace but he didn't stop there.

"Come on Ris, you know he was just kidding." Jon said, looking down at her smirking, but his eyes gleamed with sympathy Clarissa was sure only she could see.

"Yea, what's gotten into you?" Jace asked, leaning towards her with an outstretched hand. She ignored it and turned the other way, eyes gleaming with tears she would never let fall.

"Nothing, I have to go." She said quickly, and jumped up off the floor and ran to her room.

Clary

How could they be so stupid all the time and not see that I was actually hurting by their stupid insults. Sure they said they were joking around, but did they honestly see me as boy? I couldn't let that happen anymore, but I knew nothing would change. Sighing I checked the hall to see that the coast was clear, then slammed my door shut and retrieved my sketch book from its hiding place, I couldn't let them know I drew. I slowly made my way to my bed and plopped down; supporting the book on my knees I began to draw.

I drew version of me, my red hair flying behind me and my eyes gleaming. I was actually happy, and it radiated off my skin. Behind me Jon and Jace were chasing me, laughing and smiling and accepting me for whom I was. I was wearing a simple T-shirt and worn down jeans, but was simply beautiful in that, and I didn't need anything else to make me feel confident. Slowly I turned my attention to Jace, in the drawing his eyes were gleaming with love as he stared at me. He felt the same way I felt for him. And that's all I longed for, happiness, acceptance and love. And I knew I'm not getting any of that outside of paper.

I sighed and put my sketch book back in its place, and walked back down the stairs again. I was about to go down the first step, when I heard muffled voices downstairs.

"How could you think that I like her?" A low voice yelled. It was Jace's; I shuddered inwardly at the beautiful voice.

"Well you act like it, what am I supposed to think?" Jon yelled back.

"I don't like her, no one does! She'll probably end up like some freaky lesbian when she's older!" Jace yelled, and I knew they were talking about me.

"Who cares if she doesn't act like a girl, that's obvious enough, but you like her." Jon argued.

"No one likes her; she's just some ugly chick that acts like a man. She's disgusting." Jace argued. I felt my stomach churn as horror took over me, I knew he couldn't love me, my knees gave out and I felt myself falling down the remainder of the stairs, not even bothering to put my arms out to break the fall. I felt a sickening crack erode from my wrist but I could bother to care about that either. The pain took toll when I heard my Jace and Jon screaming my name but I just stared ahead, at the foot of the stairs in a pool of my own blood.

Jonathan

I paced nervously around the plane white hospital room, careful not to look at my sister, bandaged up and unconscious. I knew this was somehow my fault; she was so young, only sixteen, and now she was in the hospital for the sixth time this month. The other times were from beatings from our Father, but this was because I had a stupid argument with my friend and scared her. I guess that's why she fell down the stairs, because we were so loud.

Jace was sitting in the lone chair in the corner of the room, staring down at his entwined fingers guiltily. _Was this his fault_? I wondered, but all thoughts were pushed aside when Ris's eyes fluttered opened. "Mom?" she asked absentmindedly. Memories flooded over her and she cringed at the horrid images, a single tear roaming down her face. I haven't seen her cry sense our Mom passed six years ago, besides her obvious injuries, I knew something was seriously wrong.

Clarissa

I woke with a start, and was greeted by the starch white room that was completely foreign to my startled eyes. "Mom?" I yelled by instinct, and instantly regretted it. Painful memories ambushed me, my mother screaming my name as her bones crushed beneath her, the silent funeral, then Jace and Jon's conversation. I felt a single tear role down my face and I knew the façade I spent so many years building up was broken and most likely never going to be rebuilt. I slowly averted my gaze to glowing eyes that could only belong to Jace. I glared at him, and if looks could kill… he looked down at his hands with what looked like guilt?

Slowly I looked down at myself. My left arm was badly broken and bandaged up, there was a deep gash on my collar bone, and another gash on my forehead, where blood had trickled down my face and body, it was dried now.

Putting on blank emotions, I looked up once more, only to meet the eyes of Jon. "Hello." I said sternly.

"Ris, how are you feeling?" Jon asked, the most sincere I've ever heard him.

"Cut the crap, when's the surgery?" I yelled. He looked startled but answered anyway.

"In about three hours." He answered quietly, that seemed to wake Jace up.

"What surgery?" Jace asked, rising from his chair.

"It's nothing." I answered tiredly, refusing to meet his gaze.

"Jon?" he asked desperate for an answer.

"Can I tell him Rissy?" he pleaded, using his old nickname for me.

"As long as he's out of my life after it," I sighed leaning back into the bed, "You may all be out of my life after this," I mumbled quietly, but I knew they heard me.

"Ris has…she has…" Jon mumbled rubbing his neck in the search of the right way to place the words.

"Spit it out!" Jace yelled. I groaned loudly and slammed my head against the wall, pain seared through my body, but I didn't flinch, just sat there listening.

"She has cancer." Jon blurted out. I knew then that I should open my eyes, just to see his reaction, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was then that I realized another tear had escaped from its barrier, _stupid hormones._

"What?" Jace asked, taken back. "Why didn't anyone tell me?" he asked quietly. If I hadn't been focusing so much, I knew I wouldn't have heard it.

"Because-" I yelled, sitting up. I gasped as nausea took over me.

"Sit down Rissy, you're hurting yourself!" Jon instructed gently pushing my shoulders down.

"—It wasn't any of your concern." I finished. I looked up at Jace's eyes, he actually looked genially hurt. _Liar._

"What do you mean? Of course it's my concern!" Jace yelled.

"No it isn't, nor will it ever be. Now we had deal, now you can leave and go tell all your pretty little friends like I know you will." I said through a pained voice. The affect of the cancer was already taking toll on me, along with the pain of my physical injuries.

"Why are you being like this Ris?" he asked quietly. That was enough for me to crack.

"Jon—" I said through clenched teeth, "—could you leave for a second. I need to have a talk here with_ your_ friend." I growled. Jon looked hesitant, but walked out of the room, closing the glass door behind him. "So, _Jace, _do you really want know why I'm being like this?"

"Yea—" he answered uncertainly. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked once more.

"Like I said, it was none of your concern. Especially after I found out where we stand on the friendship scale." I said crossing my bruised, bloody, and broken arms over my chest.

"And where would that be?" he asked as he walked over and sat down at the foot of the bed. I pulled my legs underneath me in the hope to get away from him, but he only moved closer.

"Let's just say that we're not on it at all." I huffed. He looked at me concerned and asked the one question I had prayed he wouldn't ask.

"Why?" he asked.

"Why? Why? That's all you can say? Don't play dumb with me." I hissed. "You know _exactly_ 'why'". He didn't answer, rather then look at his hands guiltily again. I groaned and threw my body back against the bed, I winced in pain and Jace's head shot up in concern. I waved it away and looked at him in the eyes. "Just tell me. Were you talking about me?" I asked, he locked gazes with me.

"Yes." He answered, turning away.

"Good bye Jace." I said quietly.

"I—" he started but I heard enough.

"Good bye, I'll have Jon tell you how the surgery went if I make it out okay, just good bye," I whispered the last part. I knew the years of acting like a boy just to be around my brother and his friends was finally failing me, and I had nothing left to act for. I was going to be my self.


	2. Chapter two: chemo

Jace

I don't know what just happened, and for some reason, I'm too scared to find out. The girl as close to me as a sister, who've known her whole life, has cancer. And had no intention of me finding out. Not only that, the only reason I found out was because I had insulted her on a molecular level and she fell down the stairs, getting a concussion and five broken bones. Now she absolutely hates me, and wants nothing to do with me. Not like a girl would when you've broken up with her or have had a fight with her, she was actually hurt, and she actually cried. I didn't even know Ris was capable of tears. She hadn't cried sense her mother died. I seriously messed up.

I cringed as I saw her lean against the hospital bed, wincing in pain. I knew I shouldn't have said anything to her—even if it wasn't direct. I wasn't even supposed to be in the Hospital anymore. She thinks I left, and so does Jonathan. Who probably hates me right now too. I need to fix this, and I will do it, no matter what it takes.

_Two Years Later_

Clary

Jace and Alec are Seniors now, I'm a junior—a bald one at that. After the incident with the stairs, my cancer grew very serious because of the brain damage I suffered. My body couldn't fight the cancer anymore and I had to go into serious chemotherapy. The doctors said it would only last a few months, but I knew it wasn't true, and of course I was right. They're still doing it.

Sighing I threw my bag over my shoulder and grabbed my keys. I was wearing a simple black tank top today and board shorts. Pink ones. I've changed a lot sense the incident with Jace. I no longer need to prove myself to anyone so I can be who I want. I've been enjoying that, whether or not I have hair. I smiled at my new self and stepped into my Mother's old car, and silently drove to school. It gave me plenty of time to think of what I would do after high school, the places I would go and the people I could meet.

I was so engulfed in my thoughts, that I didn't see the black SUV heading my way, and it didn't see me either. We collided head first and before I could let out a cry in pain, blood was pouring out my side. I put my hand on the wound in the desperate chance of stopping the flow, but nothing would help. I slowly felt myself black out from the pain; it was even worse the chemo. The last thing I saw was a pair of golden eyes, screaming my name.


End file.
